It's Been a While...

I've been slacking on my blogging. I have some updates: Abby had her first occupational therapy visit. The therapist was very nice. Unfortunately, I am a little concerned about how I'm going to get her there on a weekly basis. It took us about 25 minutes to get there. The therapist said she would work with Abby's fine motor skills, with her aversion to trying new foods, and her sensory issues. Sensory issues??? I guess Abby's habit of plugging her ears for loud sounds and her inability to follow directions at times. I actually can't say exactly what they are going to do. I think we will at least try it and see if it helps.

As far as her screaming goes, her inability to understand that she can't be so rough with Mia, and her overall inability to cope with change I think the ABA therapy will really help with that. I am in contact with one therapist that uses a sliding scale when insurance won't help pay for her services.

On top of all that, I have to have my application to sit for the International Board Certified Lactation Consultant exam (mouthful right??) in by January 31st. Oh and we have to move in May. We are talking about trying to buy a foreclosure or something like that. Since we have owned in the last three years though, we don't qualify for a 100% financing loan. What this means is we have to come up with about $8000 in time to close on a house. Hm.... we will be pondering and praying about that.

Good news: The department of social services called earlier this week and they will be coming by to screen Abigail on Monday the 24th. If she is accepted for the EDCD waiver we will be able to get her on Medicaid and hopeful get an in home helper a couple days a week. I really think this will help since I cannot always address her bad behaviors right when they are happening because of the other kiddos.

On another note, Abby has been doing great this week. She is happy when we get to school and doesn't cry or fuss when I leave. Her teachers both say that her speech is getting more clear and that she is talking more. Yesterday when I picked her up she told me she had a cupcake for snack. I thought she was making that up until her teacher confirmed this morning. To me, this is a tiny breakthrough because usually she just repeats what I say when I ask about snack. Like maybe she is finally getting the conversation thing.

A New Week

Abby had an uneventful weekend and started off the week at school fairly well. She was even comfortable enough on Monday to tell her teacher "no". Tuesday morning was even better. She was actually glad to get into her class. She told me "goodbye mommy" so I didn't hang around. When I picked her up her teacher said she had a good day but that she did say "no" when her teacher asked her to do some things and that she yelled once. Her teacher was nice though and said she would much rather have Abby happy and a little willful than pitiful and sad the whole day. I tried to tell Abby that she needs to say "yes" to her teacher, not no. We will see how well that sunk in this morning.

I worked yesterday so I had to rush home to pick up the girls and get them fed before Abby's speech appointment. We had to do several pieces of paperwork and the receptionist was grumpy. Why are office receptionists always grumpy??? I don't think I have been to any appointments lately where the lady at the desk is actually happy to be there. While I was waiting for her to copy my insurance card, etc Abby was looking out the window and listening to the elevator. When the elevator would come and go she would say, "Beee booo ellabator" (there was a bell sound as the elevator came up to our floor).

We finally got back to the speech office, but we had more paperwork to do there. So... when we got back to see the therapist Abby was already a little over it. I had let her bring some toys because I knew we would be waiting. This turned out to be a bit problematic because she didn't want to stop playing with them (they were her mini toy story 3 toys).

She did let me hold them and the therapist started showing her lots of groups of pictures. She would say things like, "show me the picture of the white dog in the box with black spots". Abby would point at the white dog in the box (pretty sure she just didn't hear much after "in the box"). The therapist said the tool she really wanted to use wasn't available because someone else was using it and that the tool she was using was really too complex for Abby. However, we kept on using that one for another 20 minutes. Finally the other tool was available, but by then Abby was done. She wasn't interested in looking at the new pictures.

The therapist said that we would finish the evaluation next week and that this should be good for Abby because it is one on one and that the school speech program may not be as focused on her needs. She also said that we needed to narrate everything we do at home to expand Abby's vocabulary.

On another note, I found out a couple interesting things. One is that I can switch who provides our insurance. This is great because the MD I want Abby to see does except this other insurance. I also applied for long term care for Abby. This may be a long shot, but if she gets approved she would get on Medicaid and at least her medical costs would be covered.

I do think she is doing better this week for sure and I will tribute it to the fact that we are back on a routine. My girly loves knowing what to expect!

Time to Get Organized

Abby still didn't feel like getting dressed for school today, but she finally did. She didn't want to take her jacket off again but her teacher did get her to do it and after a brief freak out she was fine. For the past three days she hasn't wanted to nap. Of course this makes it difficult to get anything done but the upside is that she goes to bed early and sleeps great!

I called to try and get Abby an appointment with the only DAN (Defeat Autism Now) doctor in the area. These doctors look at the biomedical side of things. Lab work is done to look for any vitamin deficiencies, diet changes would be discussed in case of food sensitivities, and more. Unfortunately, he is no longer accepting patients with our insurance. I will have to keep looking. 

My good news for today is that CHKD speech therapy called us and Abby starts therapy next Tuesday! I had some issues figuring out what I will do with Mia and AnnaSophia during the appointment time, but our good friends are going to help us out. So grateful for that.

I decided today that while I was jotting down fax numbers, names, appointment times, etc on various little sheets of paper laying around the house that it was time to get organized. I gathered all my little papers together and went to Target tonight with AnnaSophia to get some notebooks. 

My closing thought is something I pondered just now when I finally got my shower for today. This is it: Everyone has trials and difficulties in their lives. People loose their jobs, get sick, have difficulties getting pregnant, have financial difficulty, fight with their spouse... and the list goes on. Almost everyone I know has had at least one really hard time in their life. 

We can ask the "why" question all day long without ever getting a satisfying answer. Bad things to happen to all people. I have to believe that there is a purpose for all these trials. That ultimately something good will come of it all. If God knows how many hairs are on my head He also knows how much I need his strength right now. And I need to remember to rely on that strength and not my own.

My Head is Spinning!

Abby's day did get better yesterday! She came home, changed into her Woody costume and was happy the rest of the day. This morning went better and she didn't fuss so much at school. She wouldn't take her jacket off at school yesterday and wouldn't wear one today.

I had a rough morning. I was feeling like a bit of a failure this morning. Why didn't I push earlier for help for Abby?? Why didn't I question the doctor more when he said she was fine? Then my mind got away from me and I started thinking about all the things I'm not very good at. So while I wasn't feeling like a good mother, I then started feeling like I wasn't very good wife, sister, daughter, employee...

I don't shave my legs enough, I can't keep up with the laundry or keep the house clean, and my cooking is barely edible. I love to bake but one cannot live on bread alone. :) I give my work very limited hours which poses scheduling issue for them. I don't call my family enough or send them birthday cards. I cried a little on my way to work this morning.

Work was actual a nice break. I was able to think about something else for a little bit. On the way home I was thinking about how the bible says that God gives strength to the weary. I do feel weary today.

On to another subject, I have been working on getting Abby therapy/treatment, etc. Right now we are waiting on the Chesapeake school system to say what services Abby will be eligible for. I decided I didn't want to wait until April to get Abby started in therapy so I made some calls yesterday and today.

Abby's pediatrician's office was great and faxed prescriptions for Abby to receive occupational therapy and speech therapy. Thankfully our insurance was approved for another year based on the fact that we make a dollar. :) CHKD should have Abby in for speech soon and I called another office about occupational therapy since the wait is several months at CHKD. They said they could get her in on the 17th for her evaluation.

The next step is finding out how I can get her access to Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA). This is THE best therapy for children like Abby. The approach is proven to be effective in getting the child ready for school and life. Yay you say, you've found something great to help Abby! Unfortunately, the only insurance that pays for this therapy in this good state is Tricare (military). Mike isn't planning on enlisting so that isn't helpful to us. I called the main center that provides this therapy today and found out that it costs $40/hr. Oh, you get a discount if the child is there more than 6 hours a week. So now we are talking $180/week. So that is defiantly not going to happen. I don't even think we can pay the $40/week for her to get one hour of treatment although that is a bit more plausible. My only hope if the school will pay for her to go to this center. I would be thrilled with even one day a week for a few hours.

I am going to try and get Mike and I to go to the center sometime next week to check it out and talk more to the lead therapist who should be able to give us more advice about how to proceed with the school system.

At this point my head is spinning because I am not sure how I am going to get Abby around to all her appointments or who will watch the other kiddos while I do and how we will pay for it all. Hopefully I will know more in the next couple of weeks.

Bad Morning

So remember what I said about good days and bad days? This was absolutely a bad morning. I have hope the rest of the day may be better. Abigail was dressed in her Woody (Toy Story 3 fanatic) pjs and I had picked out a new dress for her to wear to school today. She hadn't worn it before and I also had tights for her to wear. I guess this was not a good idea. Sometimes with new outfits I do a "dry run" the night before. I will put the outfit on her and tell her how beautiful she looks in it which then helps her prepare for wearing it again later. I didn't do that today. She fought Mike (dad) the whole time getting dressed. She flopped around and cried. She went boneless (read the Knuffle Bunny Book) when I tried to fix her hair. She had a tantrum over whether she wanted to wear her boots or her sparkley red shoes (I was SURE she would want those red shoes). I am thinking she really didn't want to wear either pair.

She fought me getting her out to the car (forgot to mention this in my first post... she has to plug her ears when we go outside of our house because she doesn't like the sound of the trash truck or the school buses). When we pulled up to the school she started crying and saying, "Hold you, mommy. Hold you." I carried her inside. When we reached her classroom, she tightened her legs around me like a spider monkey and buried her head in my chest. I know she didn't want to be there. I sat down with her during pledges and expected her to warm up and relax. Her teacher finally came over and she held her while I left.

I have never had such a hard time dropping her off. Even on the first day of school she wasn't that bad. These are the days when I worry about her. When things that I think should be getting better aren't and some things seem to be getting worse. I wish I knew better how to help her on days like today. Maybe she will perk up after her nap.... let's hope so.

A Bit More Background

So what, you may ask is Abby like? First of all, she is funny and loving and your typical three year old in many ways. What makes her different then? Abigail can say many words but her actual "language development" is behind. It is difficult to have a conversation with her. She can answer yes and no questions as well as this or that, but ask her an open ended questions and most likely she will repeat it right back to you. Me: "Abby, how was school?" Abby: "How was school?". Me: "Abby what do you want for Christmas?" Abby: "Christmas". While this is very normal for younger children, it is not normal for children her age. She also tries to use more complex sentences but it becomes gibberish. So she may say, Mommy, can na na na na  Chic fila. She uses na to fill in words that she can't say or doesn't know (we aren't sure which is happening).

Abigail also becomes very easily frustrated. She wants to be independent but if something is difficult, we are in for some screaming. She is also a particular child. She wants things done a certain way. If you put her coat on, you better button all the buttons or she will get very upset. Screaming is a hobby of hers. If her baby sister gets close to her toys, scream. If you try to put on a pair of shoes she doesn't want to wear, scream. If she is in a weird mood, scream. In fact, she has given her baby sister screaming lessons and now my 10 month old thinks screaming is fabulous. When Abigail is upset it is VERY hard to understand her. This leads to her becoming more upset because she can't explain what she wants.

Abby is also not very social. She is very shy and somewhat skeptical of strangers (this I don't mind nor do I think is abnormal as her old sister was the same way). She does like to play on her own quite a bit but does a very great job copying her older sister when she is in the mood.

On her strengths, she is very smart. She knew all of her upper and lower case letters by the time she was 18 months old. She could barely say anything else, but she knew those letters. She knows her numbers and her shapes and colors. When you read her a book or let her watch a movie, she will have it memorized in no time.  In fact, she uses phrases from movies quite a bit. She also is the cuddliest little girl. She loves to give hugs to all of us and to snuggle.

So where are we now with her progress? She saw the psychologist on November 29th. We were given a diagnosis by mid December. We went to the public school system to inquire about her eligibility for services on December 13th (this just happens to be my birthday). She was then formally evaluated on January 3rd (this happens to be my brother's birthday) by the school system. We will hopefully know their impressions of her sometime later in this month or early next month.

In the meantime, I found out that Abby's insurance will pay for speech therapy and occupational therapy. I am excited about this because it means extra help for Abigail. I was concerned that she wouldn't be started in therapy with the school system until April and then when the summer comes her therapy would stop until the next school year. With private therapy, she can start sooner and continue through the summer. We are on a waiting list with our local children's hospital for both.

I am also looking into ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis). This therapy is scientifically proven to help children like Abby to be able to function more normally. Of course it is very costly and insurance does not pay for it in the state of Virginia. So for now we will start the other therapies.

A last note, Abby is like most children. She has good days where her differences are not that apparent and bad days when it is clear she needs help and we need help as her parents. I love her and I know God has a special plan for her life!