Lighting it up Blue

April is autism awareness month and today is World Autism Awareness Day. All over the world people will be using blue light bulbs tonight to spread awareness that people with autism are important. This time last year we were just getting into the swing of things with Abigail's therapies. She was just getting ready to start at her special education preschool. Nothing about her diagnosis had sunk in yet. In fact, only now do I feel I am finally closer to accepting it and everything that comes with it. I still haven't been open about it with all my friends. I'm sort of afraid of their reactions. The look of pity or confusion or even ignorance that may follow. I don't want it to change the way they see me.

The first year of her diagnosis I just wanted to make her well. I wanted to figure out how to "beat" this thing called autism. Now I know there is no beating it. But we will continue to live with it. We will fight everyday for Abigail. I will fight to help her cope with her anxiety over change. I will fight to get her to want to learn and be engaged by her therapists. But I do not know what the future holds for my beautiful child. Will she be able to make friends, will she be bullied as she gets older, will she meet someone and get married? I also worry about my other two wonderful girls. Will they ever have a sense of normalcy or "fairness". 

AnnaSophia sees that my patience with Abigail is much longer than it is with her. I know this to be an issue but I struggle with it almost every day. I hope AnnaSophia and Mia know that I love them so much. 

So this year on World Autism Awareness Day... I will be celebrating this day. We have autism awareness in our home every day. But today other people can be a part of it with us. It makes me feel less alone. So if you are reading this... please go buy a blue light bulb and turn it on tonight for my Abigail and the other 1 in 88 children and families affected by autism!